I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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