You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
