It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
