I cannot find my penis.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize