Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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