it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
