It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I touched a dick in church today
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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