my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
