i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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