it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
