i permit you to call me
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
