ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
