so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
