I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
