life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
