I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Randomize
