There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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