Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The uberlube is also flammable
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Randomize
