Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My feet surprised me
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