i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
