she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
