:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
They took my balls.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
