there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
