Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
