I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
