I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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