Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
