I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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