Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
