I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
