'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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