I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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