3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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