Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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