why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
