Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
