Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
