yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
