Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
