I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As shirtless as possible
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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