I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I need to calm my uterus...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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