smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
