Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
