I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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