They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
