On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Sober January is a disaster.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
