I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
