so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
