You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
