sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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