Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
