woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
