haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
