so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
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I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
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Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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