dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
17 year olds will be the death of me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
