The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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