well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
