Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My cat gives me a boner
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
