Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
