I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
