The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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