This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
