I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Who put my cat in the fridge?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
