pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
