id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
