You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
