it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
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she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
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Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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