the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
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I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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