Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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