I'm going to jail i love you
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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