So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
