The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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