Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
