Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
