Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
