Got a toothbrush?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
