Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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