My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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