the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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