so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
