If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
